If you’re a leader, or want to be one, it’s tempting to share only your success stories—the wins, the achievements, the polished outcomes. But in reality, what makes leaders credible isn’t their perfection. It’s their willingness to be vulnerable and share their crucible stories — moments of failure, struggle, and adversity that shaped who they are today. I elaborate on this idea in my latest Just Saying podcast, Ep. 368 – Sharing crucible stories.

A crucible, literally, is a container that withstands intense heat to separate what’s essential from what’s not. Figuratively, it’s the tests and trials that reveal true character. Great leaders don’t hide these moments. They embrace them, and in doing so, they create stronger, more human connections with the people they lead.

Well-Known Crucible Stories

One of the most well-known examples of a crucible story comes from Abraham Lincoln. Before becoming one of the most revered presidents in American history, Lincoln faced a series of crushing failures—business ventures that collapsed, election defeats, and personal struggles with depression. Instead of hiding these setbacks, Lincoln allowed them to forge his resilience, empathy, and steady leadership during the nation’s most divided hour. His journey reminds us that the ability to endure and learn from hardship is what often sets truly transformative leaders apart.

Another compelling crucible story comes from Howard Schultz, the former CEO of Starbucks. Schultz grew up in public housing in Brooklyn, witnessing firsthand the struggles of working-class families. His early experiences with poverty deeply shaped his leadership philosophy—particularly his commitment to providing healthcare benefits and stock options for Starbucks employees, even part-timers. Schultz’s willingness to connect his leadership to personal hardship helped him build a company culture rooted in dignity, respect, and opportunity.

The Power of Crucible Stories

When leaders share stories of failure, they invite others to trust them, relate to them, and learn from them. There’s something deeply human about struggle—something we all recognize in ourselves.

People are drawn to failure stories because they are real and relatable. Hearing how someone else stumbled and got back up creates a bridge of empathy. It reminds us that leadership isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being resilient.

It can feel counterintuitive to share failure if you want to be seen as strong or capable. But owning your setbacks openly makes you even more credible. It shows you’re not hiding behind a mask of invincibility—you’re leading from a place of authenticity. And that’s the kind of person other people want to follow.

Here’s why these stories are so important:

  • Failure is a Forge, Not a Flaw: Mistakes aren’t just unfortunate events; they’re opportunities to learn, grow, and lead with wisdom. A bad meeting, a botched project, even a humiliating mistake (like showing up in the wrong city for an important client meeting) — all of these can be powerful teachers if we let them.
  • Humility is a Magnet: Vulnerability doesn’t repel people; it draws them in. Leaders who are willing to admit when they’ve failed become more approachable, relatable, and trustworthy.
  • Struggles Create Connections: When leaders share real struggles, they invite others to connect on a deeper level. It’s no longer leader versus follower; it’s human to human.
  • Trials Showcase Transformation: Sharing how you’ve overcome adversity highlights your ability to adapt, learn, and transform. And just as importantly, it gives others hope that they can, too.

A Personal Example

Early in my career, I was consulting for an engineering firm looking to work with American Airlines. I arranged what I thought was a critical meeting—only to realize too late that I’d sent everyone to the wrong city. We needed to be in Tulsa, not Dallas. No meeting. No second chance. It was mortifying.

That mistake—born of overlooking a basic detail—cost me a lot of credibility. I recovered, barely, only because of previous good work. But I never forgot that lesson: Small details matter. And real leadership means owning your missteps, learning from them, and helping others do the same.

Crucible Lessons for Every Leader

If you’re serious about becoming a credible, trusted leader, start here:

  1. Think of failure as a forge. Let adversity refine you, not define you.
  2. Remember that humility attracts. Share your imperfections. They’ll draw people closer, not push them away.
  3. Use stories of struggle to deepen connections. Vulnerability creates permission for real, human relationships.
  4. Show how you’ve transformed. Let others learn from your mistakes as much as your successes.
  5. Find your authentic voice. It’s often in moments of struggle that your true voice as a leader emerges.

Flawed Reality

Leadership isn’t about maintaining an illusion of flawlessness. It’s about embracing reality—the good, the bad, and the painfully instructive. If you’re willing to share your crucible stories, you’ll do more than earn credibility. You’ll build lasting trust.

Conan O’Brien once joked: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. But what people fail to mention is that it almost killed you.”

And that’s exactly the point.

Joe McCormack is the founder of the Quiet Workplace and author of BRIEF: Make a Bigger Impact by Saying Less, NOISE: Living and Leading When Nobody Can Focus, and Quiet Works: Making Silence the Secret Ingredient of the Workday. He teaches leaders to communicate with clarity, brevity, and intention.